My grandfather died a couple years ago. He was decently wealthy and very close to my mother (as well as my aunt and uncle). During the last couple years of his life, he had a home care nurse that we all thought did a really good job. When he died, his will wasn't "in order" and there were a bunch of disputes over it with the 3 of his children and the nurse.
Digging more into the will issue, we found out that the nurse had been using my grandfathers money (thousands of dollars) to buy gifts for herself and her family. A lavish birthday party for her son, a new truck, etc... On top of all this, we suspect that she was telling him how hateful his children were of him. We also discovered that she has done this to 3 other families in the past (all in different states). When all of this was discovered, she had already packed up her life and moved to another state. What a cunt...
Long story short(er), she was arrested but bailed her way out of everything. This week, our family is in legal battles with my grandfather's bank, for not having any checks in place to prevent this. As far as I know, the nurse was simply able to withdraw tremendous amounts of money from his account without a single eyebrow raised as to what was going on.
This is more of a rant about the situation than anything, but I feel the need to somehow help out my family. The only thing I can think of to do, is to start a small website about this bitch-of-a-nurse hoping that other families stumble on it before they do business with her. Would this just make things worse though? How does someone like that get away with conning so many families into the same scheme? I know we all feel like she got off with a slap on the wrist.
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Let me say something here that might not be well appreciated....
He was decently wealthy and very close to my mother (as well as my aunt and uncle). During the last couple years of his life, he had a home care nurse that we all thought did a really good job. When he died, his will wasn't "in order" and there were a bunch of disputes over it with the 3 of his children and the nurse.
If he was 'very close' to the three of them and he was sick enough to need regular home care, then some relative's name should have been on the bank account - preferably the one most neutral/generally liked among the siblings. The fact that this wasn't done is troubling to say the very least.
I don't consider it the bank's fault that none of the relatives were paying close attention to helping him get his affairs in order. Now, you wanna burn that skank with a website, be my guest, I'll probably donate. But the bank is not at fault here.
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I must admit that I don't know the full story and probably summarized it poorly. My grandfather was a lawyer (which not having his will in order was a big ....) and was very secure/secretive about his own finances. He wouldn't let anyone (including the nurse) look at his finances. That being said, I think we feel the bank is at fault because she was somehow able to remove all of that money without his permission.
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Not much you can do other than being supportive. The mistakes have already been made and now it's up to whoever's in charge of his estate to deal with all that. I wouldn't hassle with any kind of revenge against the nurse though. I agree that the family shouldn't have let it play out like this but really it all comes back to your grandfather. He could've guaranteed that his estate went to his grandkids/great grandkids, his nurse, he could've blown it in Vegas, whatever he desired. But it was really up to him to make sure that his affairs were in order. What did he want done with the money? He should've made better plans.
Did someone in the family have power of attorney over his stuff before he died? That person might've dropped the ball but it's hard to say because your grandfather could've interferred and made it harder. When you're alive and in control of your faculties, it's your money and if you give it all to your nurse nobody can stop you. But in that case he should've put it in writing, and the nurse violated her code of ethics either way.
As far as the nurse: Just make sure that whoever it is that oversees the industry knows what she did and leave it at that. Her career as a nurse is probably over. No sense on dwelling over something that's too late to change. And it's a good lesson to others in the family to get their shit together and not let that happen to them.
A couple of similiar situations happened with my wife's family. Her rich uncle died without a (clear) will and everything was verbal and everyone told him everything was handled and not to worry about anything. Then when he died the whole family fucked each other over for his money. Usually every family has the responsible kid, one that doesn't want or care about or need the money, so that was my wife and she tried to mediate some of the family disputes but everyone was being a greedy asshole so she washed her hands of the whole situation, and most of that part of the family.
My wife didn't ever want to go through that again so she had long talks with her parents to make sure that didn't happen to them. The day after her dad died, her mom gave her power of attorney and signed over the whole estate outright on the advice of her mom's attorney. When all the vultures came circling this time they ran right up into my wife. Her mom is in failing health as well but she doesn't have a dime to her name on paper, so there's no vultures, and she's free to do whatever the hell she wants. There's no will because all that's handled now.
When her mom passes, our instructions are to manage the money how we see fit which is fine, but I wish she'd give us clearer instructions. Obviously she doesn't like to talk about it but it's something people need to think about. It's weird being executors to an estate of someone who's still alive but it's nice knowing there won't be any problems. It's a lot of responsibility basically running 2 households but it's better than the alternative.
I am the executor of my parents estate upon the passing of them both, and they will have mutual funds, investments, a house, credit cards and the whole 9 yards for me to deal with. Neither my sister nor I would piss away the money, however my parents feel even with my sister being married that I would be the most responsible and the most willing to handle everything, but the basic instructions are to pay everything off and whatever is left is up to us to distribute. My mother was responsible for my grandfathers estate and there were 3 other children, likewise with my great aunts estate (she has no children). The family rallied together, sold some items, kept some items, distributed some items to the grandchildren (there are 11 of us) and everything was settled. My grandfather was most fond of the eldest granddaughter, however i was most like him (my grandmother once said "Clyde doesn't understand her because she is just like him, more so then any of his own children") and it was decided upon by the family that some of the money should be used to buy me a car, as the one I had (and had bought myself) was falling apart and I was pregnant with my 3rd child (mom asked me repeatedly if my car was going to leave her walking, i couldn't promise it wouldn't) and that was the family's choice in the matter, they also made similar purchases for other grandchildren (some baby furniture for my oldest cousins first child) and so on and so forth... the problem with having clear instructions is that no matter how much you disagree (say sending a large check to some random church or charity or something else you can't agree with) you must follow the instructions. The problem with having no instruction is that you have no idea what to do next.... Maybe more like suggested guidelines. My parents haven't really said anything to me other then that I am the executor of the estate, and I too wish they would. Personally I know I'm dropping the ball on the biggest choice I have. I have no life insurance and no will. Obviously my children would go to my ex husband, but what of my youngest child who is not my ex husbands ? Is it fair of me to ask him to raise the child as to not split up the children ? I have no right to ask my parents because of their age, and my sister plans on having children of her own one day. no one wants to think about the ugly truth, but the fact is everyone dies, and sometimes people do so at an earlier age then others. I really have been meaning to talk to some people, maybe I will do that this week.
Freecare Spiritwise wrote:it was really up to him to make sure that his affairs were in order. What did he want done with the money? He should've made better plans.
Yeah, my family is still upset about him not having his shit together. Especially being a lawyer, it doesn't make much sense to not have a clear will. I can't speak for my aunt and uncle, but I know my mother isn't doing this for money. She's always been content with the financial stuff and I've never known her to be greedy - especially when it comes to her father.
Freecare Spiritwise wrote:As far as the nurse: Just make sure that whoever it is that oversees the industry knows what she did and leave it at that. Her career as a nurse is probably over. No sense on dwelling over something that's too late to change. And it's a good lesson to others in the family to get their shit together and not let that happen to them.
This is the part that irritates me. My mom always uses the term "con artist", which is fitting, but it sounds so Hollywood. The nursing firm she registered with had no idea about her previous convictions because she had faked a new name and history. She's done this before a couple of times (if not more) and is very good at it. How does she not stay in jail? Justice wru??
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Shouldn't companies who provide home care nurses offer clients a background check, too? You think that would have been extensive enough to uncover anything. Or maybe I'm too young to know better =\
Select wrote:Shouldn't companies who provide home care nurses offer clients a background check, too? You think that would have been extensive enough to uncover anything. Or maybe I'm too young to know better =\
I have had to pass a criminal background check for every medical job (including the volunteer fire department) as well as to even take my current class. However if someone buys a new identity and it's clean then how is anyone supposed to know ? a case can be built against her however i'm sure.
Actually it makes sense for a lawyer not to have his legal affairs in order, for the same reason you wouldn't want to buy a mechanic's car - because you know he did the minimum amount of work to keep it running. When you're an expert at something then it's easier to put off until tomorrow. When you do work for a client then the work is piss perfect, but when it's for yourself, it always seems to be low priority.
And usually as long as there's a responsible, trustworthy family member to step up, then everything is fine. I've seen some pretty low shit when someone rich passes and the family is a bunch of losers. My neighbor died a few years back and both his daughters went out and bought new cars and ran their dead father's credit cards up and both ended up in jail. If someone's father dies and their first thought is about his money then I think they should immediately join him on the other side tyvm. Oh, and before they went to jail, the two sisters spent most of their father's remaining money fighting each other to claim his remaining money, and there wasn't enough left to actually bury the guy.
My dad was a mechanic.....hell I would have bought any car he ever owned. They were all in tip-top condition.
As to the OP I have to ask since I don't see it addressed anywhere......HOW did she get access to the money? Did she forge checks? Get him to add her to the account? Get him to sign a PoA? They don't just hand out money without some kind of documentation.
Kulaf wrote:As to the OP I have to ask since I don't see it addressed anywhere......HOW did she get access to the money? Did she forge checks? Get him to add her to the account? Get him to sign a PoA? They don't just hand out money without some kind of documentation.
I need to ask my parents for more detail, but as far as I know, this is the big question we have with the bank...
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Easiest way for her to pull it off would be to do his banking for him legitimately (ie get him to sign stuff and present it). The bank will check a few times but after she's known there and known to deal with the account, it's a trivial exercise to forge the signature. It doesn't even have to be good - they know her and know she does his banking so they'll just let it past.
Con jobs aren't that hard to pull off in the position she was in.
Wow.. the bank actually let it go to court? They typically settle rather than take the risk of looking like they can't protect a depositor. Was it settled? Or was there an actual trial that went the full length, and either a judge or jury verdict?
Correction Mr. President, I DID build this, and please give Lurker a hug, we wouldn't want to damage his self-esteem.
Embar Angylwrath wrote:Wow.. the bank actually let it go to court? They typically settle rather than take the risk of looking like they can't protect a depositor. Was it settled? Or was there an actual trial that went the full length, and either a judge or jury verdict?
Yes, jury verdict. I believe it was officially scheduled to end today, but they decided on it early yesterday. My mom sounded fairly sure the bank is going to appeal the decision.
The bank took a curious stance on the whole situation. From what our lawyers have been telling us, they would normally approach what happened with a "it wasn't our fault to protect the account" type of attitude. Instead, they went with the "his children didn't love/care for him like the nurse did" standing. So weird...
We are fairly sure (but can't prove it) that the nurse tampered with his will before he passed. He wasn't the type of person to do work (even for himself) half-heartily, and on close examination, it wasn't his style of writing at all. No one would have found out about her taking money if she hadn't gone ultra-greedy and tried to get in on the estate split-up.
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If you want to stop the appeal, tell the bank you're going to call a news conference about how they can't protect old codgers like your grandpa. They'll hit the settlement table so fast you'll hear a sonic boom. Your family will probably get a confidential settlement agreement offer. Whatever your family is suing for, is probably not worth the bad PR the bank could get from this.
Correction Mr. President, I DID build this, and please give Lurker a hug, we wouldn't want to damage his self-esteem.
As far as people not doing what they SHOULD do based upon what they DO do my husband never ever changed the oil in our car. Now when he was deployed he called his father and told his dad the second i showed up in MD to change the oil for me, but we rarely did it. In fact the only time the car was taken care of WAS when he was deployed. My father the Dr has finally gotten better about taking care of himself, he's gone to the dentist for YEARS but i can't remember the last time he had a Dr's visit even for a physical.
I agree with Embar, and in fact I'd do it anyway, don't just threaten, and don't sign anything unless it's been read through thoroughly, but this is obviously a blatant boo boo on the part of the bank.
